In Defense of Women II- Sexual Assault is an Epidemic

I have seen the results of sexual harassment and sexual abuse. Now many can say that, however, when I say I have seen it, I have felt the pain, wiped the tears and seen the ultimate price that is paid by it’s victims. The price is heavy. It shows in many way, but, for the victim, it weighs one down like an unseen burden on the shoulders of the victims and every day, another rock is added until finally the burden buckles the knees and breaks the soul.

The way it breaks one down is dependent on the victim. Some may hide behind a facade of normality, acting as though nothing has happened. We on the outside would never know the victim was ever assaulted, but, in their head, in their memories it lives like a horror movie that plays over and over again. For the victim it never really ends.

With counseling and therapy it may be less of a burden, but, ultimately it lingers as a scar that no surgeon can remove.

I say I have seen it because I have helped women who have suffered assaults. Oddly, although I am a man, I have been gifted with the ability to put women at ease and willing to speak.

The things I have heard, the things men have done to women have caused me to fight the desire to become physically ill.

Such is the world we live in and accept….. or is it?

Do we need to allow these atrocities to occur? That is an answer that can be answered by asking a second question. Can we allow these atrocities to occur?

The answer to both questions is simple depending on your point of view. If your answer is yes then read no further because this post is not for you. If you, on the other hand believe that the answer is no and that we can change this mentality of women being objects of sexual gratification, willingly or not, then please read on.

Much is said and written about sexual assault, it is in psychology books, it is discussed in the texts that counselors and therapists study, but, what I have found noticeably absent is the discussion of the full extent of the damage to the victim, to their psyche and to their self esteem.

In one case a young woman went to the hospital to receive medical records. The purpose was to prosecute her offender, but, the shock was too much to bear and caused a state of temporary amnesia that required two weeks of help to regain. This is the type of emotional and mental trauma assault victims face.

These are the things that are not openly discussed and in fact not readily considered unless specifically trained counselors are prepared for it. Even then, the psychological damage to the victim will still remain, dormant but easily triggered under the right circumstances.

Now, there is nothing we can do to help assault victims more than we already try to do. We talk to them, console them and attempt to help them move on. This is not a solution, not a fix, but, it is all we can do, because, assault does not go away. It does not fade with time and it most definitely is not forgotten.

So what else can we do? Is there a way or a magic wand that can be waved to stop the pain and suffering? Sadly no there is not, but, there is one thing and only one thing we can do. We can make it stop.

We, every one of us has that power if we choose to use it.

First we must educate our children in respect for one another. This means respect for all living things, men women and children of all races and religions. We must respect them not for what or who they are but respect them as living breathing creatures that have the same feelings and desires we all have, to live without pain and hunger and suffering.

We must educate that women and men are equal and neither is more or less deserving of respect and, finally, we must educate all the worlds religions that no God that is worshiped wishes pain and torment on his children. This lesson above all else must be taught.

As a civilization we have learned to accept the philosophy that it is not my problem or it does not concern me,  so I will turn away. That is faulty logic and flawed reasoning because simply put, we are all the same. We all have the same physiological and psychological needs. Hunger and the desire to be loved and respected is not a gender or race or religious need, it is a human need. In fact it is in many ways a need of all creatures in one respect or another. These are what make us all the same.

So when a woman is assaulted, it is, or should be an assault on us all and we should all feel the same. We don’t. We ignore the scream at night or the clear sign of male dominance over an unwilling woman and we do nothing.

Sexual assault is an epidemic and it injures the very soul of the victim in ways broken bones and bruises do, yet. the soul cannot be mended nor can it forget. The time has come for all of us to stand up against this and I call upon the men to be the leads on this fight.

Now after reading this one might ask, why would I want men to be the lead after writing a post about women and empowerment? That answer is simple.

Men are the ones who predominantly do these horrid things and it is up to us men to stop it. No longer can we tolerate degrading jokes, music that glorifies subjugation and makes women appear items of sexual gratification that can be tossed aside when men are through with them. Men are accountable for the actions I write of, and, there is no punishment that will remove the scar of assault.

If our society is to advance then it can only advance with the knowledge that we are all equal and equally deserving of respect until such time the respect has been negated by behavior. We must all be the change we want to see, not just in respect of treatment of women but in respect to treatment of all.

Every Day, Every Hour: The Common Denominator of Human Struggle

Every day, every hour, we send our men and women to faraway lands to fight a struggle that only a few understand. These struggles may be political or symbolic; they may be over religion, freedoms or oil.

Every day, every hour, these men and women are injured or killed; their lives and the lives of their family and friends are irrevocably changed.

These men and women did not choose these battles. They did not choose the battlefield. They did not choose the enemies. Men of power and wealth choose these things. Power and wealth choose who will live, or who will die— power and wealth outcomes that rational people would never choose.

Every day, every hour, bags are filled full of bodies without souls, stretchers of injured people are being loaded, and letters of condolences are being sent to families: wives, husbands, girlfriends, siblings.

The questions that are not asked enough are simple ones. Why do we do this? What is worth sending people to be killed or maimed? To what end?

Is there anything in this day and age worth taking lives for, or are we just beyond sensibility now?

Why do we expect our youth and parents to go to lands that have been at war since war was invented?  We expect that somehow we will have the answers, we will be the victors, and win the spoils of war. What are the spoils of war? Is it freedom for a society that believes they already have freedom? Is it changing a society that did not want to be changed?

We greet our soldiers returning home as heroes, we have celebrations for their safe return, and then expect them to return to their old selves; as if the scars of war will heal, as a scraped knee when did when they were a child.

Every day, every hour, this happens and we have not learned the most important factor that makes us all the same.

Every one of us may only have one more day, or one more hour.

Perhaps it is time for us to allow others to live their lives, and in their own societies. It is not up to us to decide if they are right or wrong; it is not up to the rich and powerful.

Every day, every hour, we kill each other. Now it is time to make time stand still— so every person has the opportunity to make choices, and choose their destiny on their own.