In Defense of Women II- Sexual Assault is an Epidemic

I have seen the results of sexual harassment and sexual abuse. Now many can say that, however, when I say I have seen it, I have felt the pain, wiped the tears and seen the ultimate price that is paid by it’s victims. The price is heavy. It shows in many way, but, for the victim, it weighs one down like an unseen burden on the shoulders of the victims and every day, another rock is added until finally the burden buckles the knees and breaks the soul.

The way it breaks one down is dependent on the victim. Some may hide behind a facade of normality, acting as though nothing has happened. We on the outside would never know the victim was ever assaulted, but, in their head, in their memories it lives like a horror movie that plays over and over again. For the victim it never really ends.

With counseling and therapy it may be less of a burden, but, ultimately it lingers as a scar that no surgeon can remove.

I say I have seen it because I have helped women who have suffered assaults. Oddly, although I am a man, I have been gifted with the ability to put women at ease and willing to speak.

The things I have heard, the things men have done to women have caused me to fight the desire to become physically ill.

Such is the world we live in and accept….. or is it?

Do we need to allow these atrocities to occur? That is an answer that can be answered by asking a second question. Can we allow these atrocities to occur?

The answer to both questions is simple depending on your point of view. If your answer is yes then read no further because this post is not for you. If you, on the other hand believe that the answer is no and that we can change this mentality of women being objects of sexual gratification, willingly or not, then please read on.

Much is said and written about sexual assault, it is in psychology books, it is discussed in the texts that counselors and therapists study, but, what I have found noticeably absent is the discussion of the full extent of the damage to the victim, to their psyche and to their self esteem.

In one case a young woman went to the hospital to receive medical records. The purpose was to prosecute her offender, but, the shock was too much to bear and caused a state of temporary amnesia that required two weeks of help to regain. This is the type of emotional and mental trauma assault victims face.

These are the things that are not openly discussed and in fact not readily considered unless specifically trained counselors are prepared for it. Even then, the psychological damage to the victim will still remain, dormant but easily triggered under the right circumstances.

Now, there is nothing we can do to help assault victims more than we already try to do. We talk to them, console them and attempt to help them move on. This is not a solution, not a fix, but, it is all we can do, because, assault does not go away. It does not fade with time and it most definitely is not forgotten.

So what else can we do? Is there a way or a magic wand that can be waved to stop the pain and suffering? Sadly no there is not, but, there is one thing and only one thing we can do. We can make it stop.

We, every one of us has that power if we choose to use it.

First we must educate our children in respect for one another. This means respect for all living things, men women and children of all races and religions. We must respect them not for what or who they are but respect them as living breathing creatures that have the same feelings and desires we all have, to live without pain and hunger and suffering.

We must educate that women and men are equal and neither is more or less deserving of respect and, finally, we must educate all the worlds religions that no God that is worshiped wishes pain and torment on his children. This lesson above all else must be taught.

As a civilization we have learned to accept the philosophy that it is not my problem or it does not concern me,  so I will turn away. That is faulty logic and flawed reasoning because simply put, we are all the same. We all have the same physiological and psychological needs. Hunger and the desire to be loved and respected is not a gender or race or religious need, it is a human need. In fact it is in many ways a need of all creatures in one respect or another. These are what make us all the same.

So when a woman is assaulted, it is, or should be an assault on us all and we should all feel the same. We don’t. We ignore the scream at night or the clear sign of male dominance over an unwilling woman and we do nothing.

Sexual assault is an epidemic and it injures the very soul of the victim in ways broken bones and bruises do, yet. the soul cannot be mended nor can it forget. The time has come for all of us to stand up against this and I call upon the men to be the leads on this fight.

Now after reading this one might ask, why would I want men to be the lead after writing a post about women and empowerment? That answer is simple.

Men are the ones who predominantly do these horrid things and it is up to us men to stop it. No longer can we tolerate degrading jokes, music that glorifies subjugation and makes women appear items of sexual gratification that can be tossed aside when men are through with them. Men are accountable for the actions I write of, and, there is no punishment that will remove the scar of assault.

If our society is to advance then it can only advance with the knowledge that we are all equal and equally deserving of respect until such time the respect has been negated by behavior. We must all be the change we want to see, not just in respect of treatment of women but in respect to treatment of all.

Who Won?

I have waited until the election was over and the pundits were basically done with the post election analysis to pen another post. Much to my surprise the punditry goes on and on and on. I occasionally wonder if we need to begin riding horses again so the expression about beating a dead horse would actually have some meaning again.

Now, we have secession petitions in all 50 states. I am not surprised as often, after an election, there are always people who are dismayed with the results. Generally life goes on, people calm down and the usual disagreements with the government go along as before. This time, again, it is different.

Recently this writer has felt compelled on Facebook, my usual form of interaction with my friends, to attempt to explain how government works. Apparently some have come to the conclusion that bills magically appear on the Presidents desk in the night like some form of bill fairy places them there while he is sleeping. As wonderful it would be if there was indeed such a fairy that placed well thought out legislation in the Oval Office at night, that is not how it works.

Unfortunately, part of this post will be boring to some and I will attempt to keep this part as brief as possible.

The President of the United States does not write proposals, submit bills, debate them or vote on them. Congress does that. The U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate does those tedious jobs and then, and more aptly put, if they create a piece of legislation, then it goes to the President who either signs it or vetoes it. I am hoping that covers enough of that process for us to go on.

The preceding election campaigns seem to have been long on personal attacks and short on substance. The debates were poorly moderated, questions were framed as softly as pillows and our wars were basically not even discussed.

What was discussed, not by the Presidential candidates but by Congressional hopefuls was far more disturbing to me, personally and on a societal level. Womens rights.

The fact that womens rights were a campaign issue was disturbing to this writer simply because this matter has two clear parts. First, women are people with minds, and intelligence and capable of making their own decisions and attempting to legislate women and how they care for themselves and how they do it, and the means they do it is up to them.

Secondly, the majority of people who wanted to ban abortions, force doctors to lie to their patients and force women to bear unspeakable humiliation and degradation in the doctors office, were men.

The impetus behind every single attack on abortion and birth control, planned parenthood et al is religion. Not one instance on this topic cannot be tied, with little to no research, on the opponents beliefs in God and as such the interpretation of the Bible they read.

This my fellow reader is not government in action or legislation for the good of all, it is the very clear decision by a group of people that their will be done. It has nothing to do with what is right, or fair or best for the country but simply what ones religious beliefs are. I choose not to use moral because morals and religion are not necessarily companions.

Governments set rules and laws for the benefit of all its constituents, not to set ones mind at ease that ones God will be appeased.

This recent election clearly showed one thing to this writer. The future of this nation will not be in the hands of the preachers or the religious zealots, but in the hands of rational people who choose rights over religion, sensibility over zeal and the good of country over good of personal beliefs.

Although this quote is lifted from an old episode of Star Trek, perhaps it is a fictional line that bears tremendous truth and meaning and should be repeated as part of the oath Representatives, Senators, Judges and Presidents take. “ The good of the many outweigh the good of the few”

Voter Fraud : The Easy Answer

  It is in the news; apparently it is rampant… tainting our elections, changing outcomes and destroying the electoral process.  Hordes of people roaming the country: voting multiple times, pretending they are someone else, just to change the results of an election.  This would make for a great movie plot, but it’s false.

  Reality is that, depending on where you get your numbers, the amount of voter fraud is basically nonexistent.  In 2008, there were 169,000,000 voters registered in the U.S. (according to Wiki-Answers, 2008).  That number is arguable, but it is relevant enough to say: “a whole lot of people are registered to vote.”

  There has not been a case of any serious voter fraud recorded in the US, yet, we now have state after state enacting new and stringent voter ID laws to insure that there is no voter fraud.  In other terms, there are laws are being created to fix a problem that does not exist.

What this writer finds troubling most of all is where these voter laws are coming from, and why. Predominantly, these laws are coming from Republican controlled state legislatures and assemblies.  These laws affect predominantly the poor, minorities, and the elderly, who generally have a hard enough time getting to the polls, much less the added expense and the trouble of now of having to get a government provided ID to cast a ballot.  More troubling still, in the case of Ohio early voting rules were changed, in order to shorten the time for early voting.  Fair enough, until one discovers that it was only in the districts leaning in the Democrat Party’s favor that the early voting rules were to be changed.  In Republican held districts, life will go on as usual.

  These cases are being adjudicated in court.  So far many have been proven unconstitutional; that isn’t really the point. The point is, that some want to disenfranchise voters.

  Voting is one of the reasons this country is even here.  We have a constitution that was ratified/voted upon.  The Declaration of Independence was ratified/voted upon.  Our very system of government depends on voting, yet we have groups who want to make this basic right more difficult.

  This writer has a solution for all this.  It’s simple, easy, and painless. If there is indeed voter fraud issues, then let us all resort to dipping our finger in a jar of ink, as we have seen so many other countries do. If you have an inky finger, you voted, go home.  If not, you may vote.  Yes, the ink could be scrubbed off by some unscrupulous people who want to vote twice, and I imagine the number of people who would do that would be similar to the number of people who fraudulently vote now.

  It is a non-partisan solution, relatively economical, and will free our court systems up for more important things, like prosecuting criminals.

  The ills our country faces are many, as are rest of the worlds.  So, why then, do we need to create more?  Let the people vote, let our voices be heard.  That is the American way.

 

Mr. Romney… Really?

Recently, in a clandestinely taped speech, Mitt Romney stated that he does not expect 47% of people to vote for him for various reasons, unimportant to this topic. Mr. Romney has also stated that depending on the issue, there are segments of the population he is not worried about. The poor have a safety net; I’m not worried about them. Big business is doing fine; I don’t worry about them.

Mr. Romney, with all due respect, you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what being president of the United States of America is.

There is more to the job than the economy and jobs and taxes and spending. Mr. Romney your job above all else is to absolutely care about each and every living being in this country, rich or poor, white or colored, man or woman.

Everyone who resides, legally or illegally is your responsibility and it is your job as president to steward the nation in a manner that benefits all and hopefully injures none. Your responsibility is not to send our troops into harm’s way, but to avoid it! Your responsibility is not to cut a child’s educational opportunities, but to create them! In other words, work towards the public good!

This concept that you have… that you can pick and choose who you “care” about or “don’t care” about is simply ridiculous. Our country has many ills, as does the world, and no one person can resolve them; but these ills affect us all, young and old.

This is not a nation of 47, 48, or 49 % vs. all others! This is the United States of America and it equals 100%.

Personal views on your politics have no bearing on what this writer pens today, because it is not politics I write about.  I write for the deep concern I have, that anyone— much less a man who wishes to lead this country— is so willing behind closed doors to show his disdain, his utter lack of respect, for all members of our country.

Mr. Romney, if elected, will you only be concerned with the needs of the Republicans? Perhaps only the Mormons will have your concern? In an already divided country politically and a world in a state of constant political and religious strife, do you really think it wise to even contemplate such things as us and them?

No, Mr. Romney. Not in this country. Here you are very wrong, because in this country, there is no room for color or race or religion or sexuality because this country, the one YOU wish to lead has a name, and the second word is the one that escapes you: UNITED.

Why Are We Here?

I had hoped that with the recent poorly worded statements by Todd Akin, U.S. Senate Republican candidate for Missouri, a moment of clarity would wash across the party and bring a sense of realization that, although possibly well intentioned, their statements were wrong, poorly framed and insensitive to women at the very least.  Indeed, I had hoped that my second post on this blog would be about other pressing issues facing our nation, such as welfare reform or fair taxation. Sadly this will not be the case.  Now the debate, which really should not exist, is being turned towards definitions in hopes of salvaging a tremendously poorly thought out statement.

Rape. There are many ways to define it but I will stick with the very base definition. Rape is forced and unwanted sexual intercourse. It is not limited to women, it happens to men as well.  This is not a deep concept. There is no ambiguity or misleading principals involved. Rape is a very clear act of sexual aggression. It is a crime and it is very wrong, regardless of sexual orientation.  Why is there now a seeming desire to delineate forms of rape? Legitimate rape is a phrase I keep hearing and I wonder who or why anyone would even consider deciding that rape has varying degrees.

I can understand a politician, or anyone for that matter, making an error in judgement and attempting to correct it.  But more importantly, why would anyone who made such an egregious error attempt to do anything other than to apologize, and attempt to move on?  Clearly to a civilized human being, rape is a horrid act that should be treated as the sickening crime that it is. What is puzzling to me, though, is that the person who is the criminal in such an act is not necessarily the perpetrator but the victim.  How and why there are people who are willing to punish the victim by forcing them to carry a pregnancy created by this crime utterly escapes me. I cannot find any comprehensible reason why rape is a crime that potentially will punish the victim more harshly than the perpetrator.

Clearly, if one is beaten in a bar brawl and their jaw is broken, there is no discussion as to whether they will be allowed to have the injury treated. If one has been robbed, the courts do not demand that the victim go without the items stolen. Why then should a woman be forced to carry a child conceived as a result of a crime that she did not commit?

From a religious perspective, I can appreciate ones convictions regarding abortion, however, I cannot appreciate the idea that a God of any faith would wish one of his/hers worshipers suffer so greatly at the hands of another.  Perhaps, in this area it would be wise for all parties to pause and reflect on not just what their individual religious beliefs are, but more importantly, how harshly we as a society wish to punish the victims of rape.  That is by far the most telling thing that will determine what kind of country we choose to be, one which chooses compassion over comfort or one who willingly punish victims on the basis of beliefs that are aguably ambiguous and open to interpretation.

Women are the s…

Women are the sole beings who have the ability to create life. It can’t be recreated in a man. Men are needed to provide the seed but it is the woman that conceives and carries the child. The morning sickness, bloating, extra weight and hormonal hell they go through is entirely a woman’s. Men can and often do just walk away, leaving the woman on their own.Then there is the incredible physical ordeal of giving birth. There is a possibility the woman may die or the child may die or be deformed. These things are all on the mother for the most part. Now, if a woman is raped or in some way forced to have sex and she becomes pregnant, that child is not conceived in an atmosphere of love and family but in violence and aberrant behavior.
Some where along the way people, the majority of them men, have decided that a woman does not have the right to choose to carry a child or not. In point of fact, it clearly demonstrates that some feel women are incapable of making the “right” decision based on their individual situations.
Unfortunately, religion and religious beliefs are the core of this issue. Many many people have very strong religious beliefs and I respect that and their beliefs. My beliefs may not be the same as others but that in no way diminishes their or my beliefs.
The troublesome thing is that forcing ones religious beliefs on another is wrong. It is no more moral for me to impose my beliefs on a Christian or a Muslim as it is for them to force their beliefs on me. In the same context, to force religious beliefs on women is also morally wrong.
In all religions that I am aware of, the basic freedom of choice is one of the things God gave to humans and it was up to the individual to follow the “rules or face punishment in the after life. It is not another’s responsibility to prevent them from doing wrong things deemed sinful.
So why we are even having discussions about this very personal issue that pertains only to women is particularly baffling. Men running for office are going to make these choices for women, not women and that is just wrong.
I am hoping that every woman that reads this does two very simple things. Imagine if it was them who was raped and impregnated and then decide if they would want the choice of whether to carry the child or not. We should not allow men to make these decisions. To me it is wrong and it is even worse when they make up things to make their point. Ladies, this is ultimately your decision. You have the right to vote and you can at least choose this, do you want a choice as to how you deal with your life and your reproductive system or do you want to let men decide for you. I can only vote for what I believe is right and fair,but,in the end, I will never know what it is like to bear a child,wanted or unwanted, only a woman can know that. This debate may be dominated by male voices but it is a woman’s decision